Hot like Indian summer

Breakfast at Oberoi

Arriving in Delhi on a summer night, it was scorching hot, like you were in a boiling kettle, evaporating each single drop. Across the street the dog is barking at 2am. Not strange of course, in the middle of airport. People are chatting around. The smell of the street, the dog and the sweat blended into the air. And then you said to yourself. Welcome back baby. 

The lady walked me to my room and asked if it was my first time in Delhi. I was so tired but she kept asking. I said no actually my third. Lived here practically for a month. Washed my face in the Ganges river. Walked through the rain cover with cows dung and all that. I used to think I was Indian in my previous life. But yeah, no. 

During the short stay, I tried to eat most Indian meal I can, soaking myself in the aroma. I don’t know if I liked it for itself or for the people I was with. It’s kind of both I guess. I do like the food but I wouldn’t try it if not for the people I loved. For the friends who cooked me the meal, got me watch Hindi movies together, stayed with me through the thick and thin, made my heart broke, made my heart full. Places are created by people and so are food. In a way, eating Indian food allow me to reconnect emotionally with my friends, to transport to the multiverse where I am a different person. So yes it is not a shame to like a food because of whatever so long as it brings me good feelings. It felt so good that I ordered myself room service with fish curry. Best ever. And it is such an quite luxury thing to do. I was sitting in the room a lone and having all the food for myself while no one watching. And it feels nice. It feels home.

Quiet luxury - in room dining 

While in Delhi, have some pizza :D

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Birth

I am writing this piece at 2am when my baby is sleeping and I am in a pumping session. All made possible by a hands-free breast-pump. Better late than never I guess. 

So here we go a reflection of the year end. Brand new is the key word.  A brand new baby and brand new mama. We’ve been together for almost 3 months. From rocking him to sleep for a few hours to putting him to sleep independently (almost!) for the whole night, mama is now having the time for her own. For the first time I feel like I can enjoy a moment of peace with my baby since he was born. Yesterday I was able to look at the sunset with him before putting him to bed for the night.  Lots of building with the pinkish sky as the canvas. Down there, cars moved slowly as people have been out for the holidays. It seemed quiet and relaxing. I am pretty sure he wasn't feeling that as the crankiness before bedtime just arrived. 

My first massage client :)

Needless to say my daily schedule is all about the boy. Feeding, burping, nappies change, napping, massage and bath and then bed time. My party only starts after 7pm when he is down for the night. Watching Netflix while pumping has become my night routine and then go to sleep.  Looking back, first month was horrible with all that struggle from milk supply to taking care of the baby.  Second month is a bit better where I got to figure out how to survive and glad I did with all the help from family and friends. I love the visit actually as my friends helped me bit to bit from feeding him to nursing him to sleep or just sharing their experiences, encouraging me to let go. And the fact is that I am not afraid to be who I am, talk shit and show how stellar I look in front of them is already a therapy session. I remember when the lady who came over to give Tom a bath, I was able to share with her my struggle and she helped me take care of baby for 30 minutes and that felt good. My family even flew over from Hanoi to help me for a few weeks. Baby brings family together indeed. So in retrospect, it's been a life changing experience. 

Now he is almost 3 months and showing us a little attitude already. Yet seeing him smile and ah goo with us kinda made all the struggle worth it. It's gonna be a long journey but glad it's already started. I've become a mom now.

3rd trimester or Your mama is a worrier

 

Leaving work early, I came home and crawled onto the bed though it was just 6pm. A sigh of relief. A milestone at work done. House renovation done. Shopping for baby almost done. Shopping for house... never enough! What else? Shopping for our cat to prep for baby arrival also done. Third trimester with all its triumph such as insomnia, leg cramp at night also adds "flavor" to the mix. Needless to say I felt exhausted and have become a cranky bitch. With all that is almost over, lying in bed with the cats by my side, a sense of stillness suddenly arrives. 

So yes 3rd trimester is quite special. 

A trimester where I feel visibly pregnant. Baby kicks anytime he wants as if my tummy skin is his canvas. Eating? No issue, let's kick. Walking? Doesn't matter, let's kick. Too noisy? Let's kick. I am the boss! Of course baby, till you come out... The funny thing with 3rd trimester is when people keep telling me my shoes lace are undone and I just keep smiling. You know what, trying carrying 10kg and a big water melon in front of you and tie the lace! Same feeling when I drop something on the floor, I look at that for a good minute and prepare for my perfectly fast squat to pick it up. I feel so proud of myself. 

3rd trimester, everywhere I go, people know I am pregnant without asking if that lady is fat or not. Believe me, it's a privilege that I don't have to prove. Company also gives me lots of perks during this 3rd trimester like leaving work earlier, transportation and flexi time. That's a lot to appreciate for. I just hope my cats see the same but they certainly don't...

3rd trimester is also a shopping frenzy time to prepare for nesting. Friends and family gave me lots of stuff from their well-kept vault and it certainly helped a great deal. I have also developed new shopping skill: thrifting! Most of my baby's stuff are 2nd hand and I had the chance to meet many moms from different countries when they handed their baby's things to me with careful instruction.  One mom even gave me contact of a breastfeeding specialist who could help with milk supply later on if I get any issue; one mom gave me lessons on how many bottles I should need. One lady even self-delivered the soft book for me for free and she said "you are glowing". I really don't know if I was glowing or sweating. I hope that baby could appreciate it though I didn't really have time to read books and listen to music like other moms. 

Time flies and my prenatal journey is far from my imagination of what it should have been from the start. There was a lot of things happened in between and I've tried my best but reality hits which is for the good end anyway. I am sitting here in our "new" living room with lots of light as I ever wanted, baby kicking as if he agrees. 

What pregnant woman wear

Pregnant or not, you are still a woman. Even though 75% of the time we dress like walking straight out of bed in a less than stellar outfits; 25% left we do want to look good and feel well just for the sake of vanity; for the sake of indulgence or just for the sake of being in control. You know sometimes life may go different way than your plan but you are in control of how to dress. 

Pregnancy more or less will be a test of your wardrobe - what will stay and what will leave. The judgement day will be by the end of your first trimester - the time when I gave away lots of my clothes as they no longer flatter my growing bump. There was tightness everywhere from the thighs to the tummy, making me feel so hot yet in another sense of that word.  The ones going away are mostly bottoms: shorts, pants, jeans - you name it. The ones that stay are not that something you would feel hot in though. These are mostly tees, floating dresses - the "nerdy" stuff, the ones who stay through thick and thin with you throughout the 9 month+ journey. There is one exception, that slip dress will stay too. You could be a sexy and cute mom in this dress. So yes, slip dress should be in your capsule wardrobe haha. 

My forever slip dress

Pregnancy will also be a chance to welcome new arrivals. It could be something of a surprise - which refers to items that are given to me from friends/family. Say a sexy dress that reveal all my boobs which I eventually chose to wear in bedroom and then forgot it at the hotel. Or an official workwear in silk with open neckline and a long bow at the waist. I felt royal wearing these. It was nice experience to wear something from someone.

The smocked dress my sister gave me

The lady boss dress my friend gave me

What I found so universal amongst us the bump ladies are the baby doll dresses and the knit dresses. The other day when I was in a prenatal class - about 100 pregnant women walked in and they all dressed in the same uniform. Guess what! Baby doll dress! It was indeed overwhelming but luckily I wasn't wearing one. I felt proud of myself...But I got it. Lets call them the B dress. They are cute and just downright comfortable. They let your bump breath and people won't notice your bump that much and that you can wear till your n-trimester!  So in the case you want less attention to your bump, the B dresses are the choice. I also picked these for the easiness as these require no effort, just put them on with some accessories and you are ready to go. 

The baby dolls collection

Yet, I feel knit dresses are more of my likings as they accentuate my curves which were hidden most of my life. We often hide our belly as these are less than perfect and there is no better time than now to let them float, let them free, let them go wild. Hence knit are it! The K dresses require a little more effort in coordinating your outfits though since you would want to make sure no panty lines visible to the mundane eyes. Lingerie is another story but let's not go down there now. The issue with K dress is that they might be a little tight when you get to your 3rd trimester so make sure you pick the knit with good stretch. Lots of moms also choose this as their uniform but sometimes it could get a little too much so I got them both. The K and the B - the best of both worlds!

The knit dresses collection

There are other options less popular than the above two such as dungaree/jumpsuit and wrap dress and shirt dress. These are also really cute and nice alternatives to the K & the B. Luckily, I work in a less formal company where we can wear sweat pants to work so I could have a little more freedom in my style in case you were wondering. 

The overall!

The shirt dress

Of course, some pants still work. For me, cotton leggings are the best. They can come in both maternity or non maternity version. Make sure your bump is comfortable in them. And let me tell you a secret trick!  Pick a dark color as we sometimes might pee ourselves and my dear, it's no embarrassment. We peed in bed when we were kids and now we pee standing up as a grown woman, bearing a child. It's the nature taking its course. It happened to me once after a sneeze and luckily I was wearing the black leggings and in the mall so I quickly recovered by buying the pads in the nearby supermarket. So much appreciation for the supermarket in the mall! 

Bump friendly leggings for workout and go out

As mentioned from beginning, most of the time I am just a cat mom, wearing cat printed clothes, watching the cats licking themselves or sleeping as if there is no need to dress up. Like everything, dressing up takes effort and one might feel too lazy, too tiring to think of something to wear, not to mention to wear for both you and the bump. But for me, it can make me feel better and it is also a nice way to celebrate a different stage of life, a new stepping stone in my womanhood. 

Pregnancy bliss

"Worry is the work of pregnancy" is the sentence that stick with me ever since reading it from a prenatal yoga book. The phrase actually is written by Pam England in her book called "Birthing from within" which I have never read but was recommended by many mamas.  So where is the bliss people were talking about?

The first trimester was most draining for me as I was so tired coming from work everyday. Worry if the baby is healthy since I can't feel him/her at all. My bump is barely there, only my morning sickness is. Every time I felt being pulled in the stomach, I didn't know if it was a healthy symptom or not. Hence each visit to the doctor made me feel safe for a while. I tried to eat, drink, sit, sleep following the mama's protocols. But you know the risk of having a miscarriage is always looming in the corner. 

I might be worried, but I still travel in my 1st trimester. 

The 2nd trimester is the time when I feel better, less morning sickness but it's also the time to be prepared for baby as I am afraid I might not be able to move an inch in my 3rd! So I started reading books, asking friends and shopping and cleaning up our nest. Questions like if I wanted to breastfeed came up many times and I decided to read more about it - which is a good thing and I came to know about my breasts a little bit more. Actually the most practical tip I learned from the book is to massage my breasts every day with the hope that when the baby comes, the milk will pour! But please don't judge me if there is no supply. There is a funny picture on the internet on this is that either the baby is BFed or having formula, they all ended up eating McDonald! For some mama, it's no joke about this but maybe try not to be so hard on other women if they choose not to do the same. 

Cat and exercise help ease the anxiety

I am in my 2nd, reading about my 4th trimester already. Watching too. Netflix has a Korean show called Birthcare Center which goes around the story of new mama in their 4th trimester. I thought it was brilliant in depicting most mom's types. Whether she is working mom or stay at home mom, what matters most is she is BFing her baby right! The CEO mom is the main character and she was also struggling with BF as she didn't have so much milk as other moms and she has to learn to navigate through all that milk supply, taking care of baby, finding a nanny and working full time after maternity leave. I found it resonated with me when she was ordering coffee and everyone from the waitress and the stranger told her to take either decaf or kiwi juice as she was pregnant. Luckily no one told me to order what coffee but there are people who decided for me what to eat. I know they might thought it was better for me but I guess I would appreciate a question than a decision when it comes to my food choice. 

One thing I noticed is that there is far more information about how to prepare for giving birth and baby out there than information about how moms should take care of themselves after giving birth. On my tiktok account, once I watch a video on stuff to buy for newborns, instantly all the video feeds are full of that. Which is why I appreciate the book called Suối Nguồn Tươi Trẻ Cho Mẹ Sau Sinh or The Fourth Trimester: A Postpartum Guide to Healing Your Body Balancing Your Emotions, and Restoring Your Vitality by Kimberly Ann Johnson. It was eye opening for me on the journey of new mamas after giving birth when all chakras and energy channel were wide open and out of balance and how each country is giving new mama post-partum care. Then I came to know that there are also services like that in Vietnam and it's a old tradition in some region as well. It can be 10 to 30day treatment and it's certainly not cheap but I think it would be essential to have this after birth so mom and baby can restore back to balance. There are also other topics discussed in the book which I found super helpful as well. The conclusion is I need as much support as I could have. 

I appear blissful in this picture

I guess my best way to navigate throughout this worry kingdom is to write about it, confront my fear and somehow magically it would become a normal part of life. There is no pregnancy bliss but there is sure pregnancy glow as people give me compliment on my skin and all. Maybe maybe the bliss will come after. 

Prenatal Yoga

Beach yoga in my first trimester

Being pregnant, I wonder if any woman is born a mom? Like she is natural with it without much struggle. For me, having my first child at late 30s seems speechless literally. There are questions I have never got in my life such as whether I would breastfeed or let my baby sleep alone or follow EASY method, etc.  I felt like "Emily In Paris" with these questions (the being in a foreign country part) and holy cow, it's just the beginning. But! On the bright side, joining the M club a little late means I have more support group. From my family, from my friends, my colleagues, my internet, my Netflix account and definitely my cats! I am not the first and surely not the last on earth to have a baby. One year later, things might look different. I can't wait to go back to this blog by then. 

Naturally, to make my life a little easier, the first topic I would like to dig in is prenatal yoga as I've been practicing yoga for years and my doctor also recommended it. Chances are you might have been hearing that yoga is helpful for giving birth, for getting back in shape after delivery and lots of other benefits. These might be true but one's practice is very different from others depending on the person's health and body. I guess the most important note to remember for yoga in pregnancy is to go with your flow, with the sequence you feel good for you and the baby. 

For me, I love daily headstand practice hence my question is actually whether I should continue doing so. One mama said yes and I saw her picture up side down with a big bump and she said fine. One said no and said first trimester is definitely no. And most say no if you are new to the practice. So you shouldn't do anything poses that are new and challenging in your pregnancy. Eventually I decided to stop my headstand practice as I was unsure and I am glad I did. 

I am in my 2nd trimester now, baby is growing and kicking and I've been practicing prenatal yoga since day 1 of having my baby. I feel good and actually pre-natal yoga is fun. I got to know new sequences, new instructors and new knowledge. Each trimester may require different different sequences with different purposes. First trimester is like getting to know with easy posture, hip opening and all. 2nd trimester is strengthening your pelvic floor and building up the stamina and third trimester is to get your baby out easier in delivery! For the first time, I've got to know the Kegel exercises for expecting mommy, lifting my pelvic floor up and down in silence! 

So if you are looking for prenatal yoga practices, here is a few Youtube videos I would recommend for each trimester. 

1st trimester

You may want some bolster for your yin yoga in the 1st trimester

Prenatal Yoga with Lara Dutta

The one and only video you need if you don't like to change. She offers everything from hip opening to Kegel exercises to squat and light twisting. The pace is just right and even if you are new, you wouldn't find it too struggling. Plus her voice is so soothing! 

Prenatal Morning Yoga Routine by Sarah Beth

This video is for all trimester but I felt like it's most suitable for the 1st and it's short and sweet and fairly easy. Some poses she holds quite long but you've got used to it after a few practices. 

Prenatal Morning Practice by Yoginimelbourne

This video is also soft! Paula has an extensive collection of prenatal yoga if you like her styles. Some of her vids might look easy at first but try it and you'll feel!

2nd trimester

Strength and Stability by Tammy Yoga

This would make you sweat and really strengthen the glutes muscles with all that squat and lift and circle. She also touches on Kegel exercises a little bit. No music in this video and you might take your time to get used to this but I felt like this was good for my stamina in the 2nd trimester.

Prenatal Yoga workout with Kristin Mcgee

I also love this workout. It's a power yoga work out so you will be sweating too. The pace is quite fast so not really for beginner but you'd definitely love it. I practiced this since my 1st trimester till now.

3rd Trimester 

Savasana is best pose in all trimester!

Energising Flow | Pregnancy by Tammy Yoga

I just recently added this to my list. The description said it is for 3rd trimester but I found it a nice sequence to slow down and light up in late 2nd trimester as well. You know for days you don't want anything too high impact at weekend perhaps.

Lara Dutta | Labour Oriented endurance exercises

This is called Keep Up exercise or quickies, just 4 mins/exercise but boy, it's quite hard. She said it helps prepare mentally for labour. I thought it was nice and after practicing, I always feel better. I only do this in the weekends to finish off the practices and sit still for a few moment before closing. Highly recommended. 

Pregnancy Yoga: Standing Flow | Episode 2 | Tonic  & Pregnancy Yoga: Third Trimester | Episode 3 | Tonic

These are 10 mins only practice so I found it quite handy when I wanted to move in short time or lack of motivation. After 1 session, I feel better then add one more 10 min session and finish off with the above Keep Ups exercises. 

And finally some books I read on this topic. I thought it would be much easier to read books than read the internet. Wish I had them sooner. 

Yoga - A gem for women by Geeta Iyengar - she wrote a book on yoga from women's perspective, including pregnancy yoga and postpartum yoga and beyond! This is quite detail with illustration and precautions. And thanks to the books now I am confident to practice headstand in the 2nd trimester.

Yoga Mama - The Practitioner's Guide to Prenatal Yoga - this might be easier to read than the first book as less academic. Linda also shared some more scoop inside your body when you are in each trimester and how the sequences for each should be. She also have the sequences for the 4th trimester as well.

There is no Vietnamese resources unfortunately but I am sure there are lots of prenatal yoga classes around that you can join (you can check out Sivananda HCMC Yoga Center if you are interested). For me I'd prefer home practice for my own convenience. It's quite long blog but I hope it's helpful for ones who are looking for the same thing in your pregnancy like I did. 

Lucky

One day, my husband brought home an orange cat and said he's gonna stay with us for sometimes. Little did I know he became our cat, our nightmare and our joys altogether. 

Cool & Lucky when he first got home

He got that tale about orange cats - those whose share a single brain cell... He ran into the wall without stopping. He yells all the time.  He walks like a noodle. And his tail is folded at the end and is always up in the air. Like he wanted to show the world "I am happy, I am ready to play" all the time. In Japan, there is a specific breed of cat that has tails like that and they said it's the sign of luckiness. So we name him Lucky. 

We didn't feel lucky so much by then as he came and pees everywhere in the bathroom, in the kitchen. It was a nightmare to clean up after him. We tried to train him to use the litter box but every time we went out, we came home and see his marks everywhere. Slowly we got to understand each other a little more. The story goes way back as he was adopted from another family where he was tied to the bathroom and did his things there all the way till he was 4 months old. He still got the mark of rope around his neck when he got to our place and of course, the habit has become his way of life. Once we understood that, we keep all bathroom doors' closed and our sinks covered and everything is in order. Life is good. He goes to his litter box, still screaming from the top of his lungs and scratching every surfaces whenever he's pleased but we can't ask for more.

Little monster 

One single brain cell they say. One day we came home and saw all drawers under the bed open and then he climbed out of it. His eyes were wide open looking at us "Hi Mom! You are home early!". Little monster knows how to open the door! He masters his trick so well as he is the only one who could fit in that drawer. So he goes great length in hiding his toys all there. The fake mouse, the fluffy ball. These are all his. When he wants to play or wanted me to play with him, he will take them out of the drawer and then after that, he would sneakily hides them away. Sometimes, at night when I was about to go to bed, he would drop the ball off on the bed and "paw" me to say "Mom, play with me!". I've never rejected his plea as it was so much fun watching him play. The little boy has a slander body but got so much energy. He could play for hours by himself. We let him be as we rather endure his play than his shouting all night. 

Mom, find me!

A trouble maker, a monster you name him. Yet, to me he is my peace maker. He follows me around the house and always sleeps by my side or my head or my feet. When I wake up and count to 10, he is right there, running along with me to the bathroom. When I come home from work, he climbs out of his hide, jumping and marking his smell all over me with his head and then rolling his belly up, asking for a massage. And the best? He let me hold him like a normal cat mama you see on TV! My other cat, Cool, a British short-haired, with all that indifferent attitude, never let me hold him! So there you see, he completes my vision of a loving cat mama on postcard. Watching TV together and having a little life conversation. Only that I am the one doing all the talk and he is there to listen! What's not to love about him? 

Other members in my family would disagree but he is a total sweetheart. Having him and Cool made my day a little brighter and now I got some stories to tell to my baby :)